Peter Schroeder
 

Blog


29.09.2020

Bio-Enkelin

Liebe Freunde!

Im Folgenden soll vom Generationenvertrag die Rede sein, zumindestens von dem Paragrafen, der die Betreuung von Enkelkindern betrifft.

Wie in einem richtigen Vertrag werden die handelnden Personen als „Enkelin (2)“, „Großmutter (60+)“ und „Großvater (70)“ bezeichnet, wenn auch Großvater, wie in modernen Partnerschaften heute Patchwork-technisch möglich, nicht zum Gen-Pool der Enkelin beigetragen hat. Einer erfolgreichen Individuation der Enkelin steht allerdings nichts im Wege, denn der „richtige“ Großvater ist auch Chirurg.

Eine Wochenendbetreuung wurde also beizeiten nach zwei Testphasen gemeinsamer Grillnachmittage beantragt und Großmutter übernahm den Transport. Sie fährt das kleinste, jedoch höchstmotorisierte Auto der Familie (zwei Türen & Heckklappe) und bei umgeklappter Rücksitzlehne war der so vergrößerte Kofferraum schnell bis unter den Dachhimmel gefüllt, wobei die Mutter glaubhaft versicherte, ihre Tochter, die Enkelin, nach 3 1/2 Tagen wieder in Empfang nehmen zu wollen.

Mittels Wetter-APP war offensichtlich die in Zweistunden-Portionen gelesene Wettervorhersage in eine jeder Wolke angemessenen Kleidung umgesetzt worden, dazu Laufrad, Kinderwagen usw.

So verhielt es sich auch mit der Ernährung, die sich grundsätzlich wahrscheinlich nicht unterscheidet, wenn man im Nordwesten oder Süden einer bayerischen Metropole wohnt. Die Eltern sind Vegetarier, haben sich aber vernünftigerweise entschlossen, ihren Kindern diese Entscheidung in einer späteren Lebensphase zu überlassen, ähnlich dem Beitritt zu einer religiösen Lebensgemeinschaft, was ja fast dasselbe ist.

Die Enkelin trinkt gerne Apfelschorle, kann den spricht den Wunsch schon aussprechen, wenn sie auch mit Apfel Apfelsine meint und diese in Form von Orangensaft dem Fourageanteil des Gepäcks beigegeben war.

Nun gilt der Zucker als Feind schlechthin, weswegen sich ein Blick auf die Inhaltsstoffe lohnte: 9,4 g Kohlenhydrate, davon 9.4 Zucker/100ml. Großvater wies darauf hin, dass eine klassische Coca-Cola mit 10,6 g Kohlenhydrate resp. 10.6g Zucker fast identische Werte aufweisen würde. Dem entgegnete Großmutter, dass bei der Schorle ein Verdünnungseffekt vorliegen würde, was Großvater auch für seine Cola beanspruchte, nur dass er hierfür einen Schuss Rum verwenden würde. Das in Erinnerung an Cuba Libre als Lieblingsgetränk der marxistisch-leninistischen Mathematikergruppe der Universität Köln, deren Mitglied Großvater einst war. Geschichtlich ist das nicht korrekt, denn das Getränk stammt ursprünglich aus der Zeit der Befreiung Cubas von den Spaniern und wurde später von Fidel Castro und Che Guevara reaktiviert, trotz Coca-Cola als Getränk des Klassenfeindes.

Von solchen Gedanken ist Enkelin noch weit entfernt. Sie wird sich später eher mit dem Aufdrucken der Saftpackung auseinandersetzen müssen: Bio 7 Initiative, entsprechend der DE-ÖKO-003 EU-/Nicht-EULandwirtschaft mit möglicher Herkunft Spanien (ES), Mexiko (MX) Südafrika (ZA). Für die konkrete Herkunft dieses Produkt steht ein Eindruck auf der Oberseite - im aktuellen Fall stammte der Saft aus MX. Natürlich hat Großvater keinen Zweifel an der DE-ÖKO-003 Norm-Erfüllung mexikanischer farmer de naranja, aber der transatlantische Transport mittels schwerölbefeuerter Frachter erscheint ihm wenig ökologisch. Allerdings wären Äpfel aus dem Bodenseegebiet mit einem ähnlichen Makel behaftet, den trotz grüner Landesregierung im Anbaugebiet trifft man die Apfeltransporter ebenfalls mit Dieselmotor auf der Autobahn. Der Orangensaft ist vegan, was Großvater verwunderte, hatte er bisher gedacht, Orangen wären trotz des Fruchtfleisches Früchte.

Verpackt ist der Saft in einem Karton aus verantwortungsvollen Quellen. Großvater, um in der FFF-Bewegung mithalten zu können, versuchte, sich zu informieren und landete  zunächst wegen eines Tippfehlers auf der Seite des Family Research  Councils (FRC.org) mit der Schlagzeile Biblical Principles for Human Sexuality  und nicht auf der des Forest Stewardship Councils (FSC.org) mit der Schlagzeile Forests For All Forever, die ihn als Borkenkäfer-geplagten Waldbauern (Sie erinnern sich/Ihr erinnert Euch) natürlich sehr interessiert.

Aber auch FRC ist nicht ohne Bedeutung, denn die Enkelin ist ein Produkt der Liebe und nicht eines im Rahmen der Karriereplanung nach bewusster Entscheidung entstandenen Prestigeobjektes, ähnlich dem Hund, der ja im Gegensatz zum Kind nach neuesten Plänen der Bundeslandwirtschaftsministerin mindestens zwei Stunden Auslauf am Tag haben soll.

Da schon lange nicht mehr das gegessen wird, was Großmutter auf den Tisch stellt, wurde der mittägliche Speiseplan ebenfalls hinlänglich geplant. Einen Begriff wie „Naturjoghurt“ kommt der Enkelin schon geschmeidig über die Lippen, bei Pommes & „Lanese“ hapert es noch. Großmutter wollte die Pommes eigentlich selbst machen, schickte schließlich Großvater in den nächsten Supermarkt. Ob es 50:10:10 geben sollte, was erst übersetzt werden musste, denn Großmutter hatte einen Teil ihrer Kindheit in der Zone verbracht, wo die Kombination nicht bekannt war, weil sie sich auf die Deutsche Mark bezog, dagegen das gebratene Hähnchen als Broiler durchaus amerikanisiert war. Die sprachliche Internationale der Commies (s.o.) eben. All das klandestin, weil im Verlauf der 3 1/2 Tage das Wort „Ketchup“ natürlich ein Unwort war.

Während Großvater sein Fahrrad an den Ständer kettete, musste sich die Nachbarin noch vor DE-ÖKO-003 mit der RAST-06 Norm auseinandersetzen. Diese hat im weitesten Sinn auch mit Ökologie zu tun, weil sie das Missverhältnis zwischen Parkbucht und Transportmittel, vorliebsweise einem T5 für den Ein-Kind-Transport, beschreibt.

Großvater, der, wäre er Alleinversorger, längst einen Behälter Heinz aus dem Regal genommen hätte, studierte derweil das weitere Angebot für „Lanese“. Er entschied sich schließlich für die Variante, die, selbstredend, aus Freilandeiern hergestellt wurde und das Vegan-Logo enthielt. Ähnlich bei den Pommes, wo Großvater für den Augenstern die De-Luxe Variante wählte, ebenfalls vegan, im Nutri-Score B, während die Standard-Variante den Score A hat - Sie kennen/Ihr kennt den Unterschied?!

Enkelin-adaptierte Feuchttücher sollte Großvater auch mitbringen, natürlich bio, allergen-frei, nachhaltig - die Auflistung auf der Verpackung ließe sich zwanglos fortsetzen. Jetzt wusste Großvater, warum, als sein eigener Popo noch mit einem levantinischen Zimocca, dem weichsten und feinporigsten aller Naturschwämme aus damals familieneigener Produktion gesäubert wurde, dieser Familienbetrieb der Kunststoffkonkurrenz weichen musste: der Naturschwamm vergeht, selbst die geschmacksneutrale, umweltfreundliche und glasklare Zellophanhülle seiner Verpackung war kompostierbar, aber der Zimocca  war weder antiallergen, geruchsneutral und seine Hygiene verlangte Aufwand, was Großvater in diesem Moment daran erinnerte, dass in seiner ländlichen Umgebung voller Ökoapostel-SUVs die Wäsche zum Trocknen zumeist nicht auf der Leine hängt, das Frottee ist dann nämlich, obwohl wie ein guter Schinken luftgetrocknet, ziemlich kratzig.

Natürlich ist die mitgegebene Nahrung keine Fourage. Militärgeschichtlich versteht man unter Fourage Futter für Kavallerie- und Artilleriepferde. Im Jahr 2007 hat der Verhaltensbiologe Bernard Seifert dem Begriff eine moderne Bedeutung gegeben: nämlich den des Heranschaffens von Nahrung durch Arbeiterinnen staatenbildender Insekten. Ein Schelm, wer dabei an Mütter denkt. Dennoch hatte die Mutter der Enkelin dem Proviantkorb ein Getränk beigefügt, eine Mischung aus Fencheltee und Apfelsaft. Sie nahm richtigerweise an, dass Fencheltee nur gesüßt trinkbar ist, - dafür sollte der Apfelsaft wegen seines natürlichen Fruchtzucker-/Fructoseanteils sorgen. Die Betonung liegt auf „natürlich“, denn die künstliche Variante ist ungesund, dem Gummibärchen beigemischt, für das ein blondgelockter Entertainer, demselben Geburtsjahrgang entstammend wie Großvater, einmal geworben hat. Die Mixtur des Getränks bestand aus Konzentraten und Wasser. Das Etikett wies darauf hin, dass das Gebräu ohne Zuckerzusatz sei und die Zutaten von Natur aus Zucker (enthalten). Großvater fand den Hinweis bemerkenswert, denn er isst gerne einen Apfel, eine Birne, Erd- oder Waldbeeren, die ortsnah und nachhaltig produziert, der Beilage zum BAnz. Nr. 89 vom 18. 06. 2008, GMBl Nr. 23–25 S. 451 ff vom 19. 06. 2008 entsprechen müssen. Sie gelten im Allgemeinen als gesund, antioxidativ und wirken als Radikalfänger, weswegen Großvater jetzt und schon lange nicht mehr Mitglied der eingangs erwähnten marxistisch-leninistischen Mathematikergruppe ist.

Des Abends, als im Haus die Schläfrigkeit beginnt, die Lichter angehen und draußen die Sterne funkeln, setzt Großvater sich auf die Gartenbank, zündet seine Pfeife an und trinkt einen Schluck Bier, das nach dem Reinheitsgebot von 1516, bestätigt 1918 durch den Bayerischen Landtag, gebraut wurde. Als sich der Freistaat in der neuen Bundesrepublik zurechtfinden musste, sorgte sein damaliger Landesvater sogleich, wissend das Zucker Gift ist, dafür, dass preußische Süssbiere nicht importiert werden, schon gar nicht Bier genannt werden durften.

Die Großtanten, so um 1918 geboren, prophezeiten den Eltern, dass der Knabe, der jetzt ein preußischer Großvater Import ist, dereinst ein strammer Bursche werden würde. Recht hatten sie und das ohne Gütesiegel. Smartphone Besitzer dürfen sich hier einen Smiley denken.

Großmutter konnte inzwischen Enkelin gesund und ohne Vergiftungserscheinungen wieder den Eltern übergeben.

Peter Schroeder - 12:02 @ Allgemein, Gesellschaft, Gesundheit | 283 Kommentare

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