Peter Schroeder
 

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25.06.2020

Pantaloni bianci oder die Vermessung der Menschheit

Der erste Mann in weißen Hosen, von Tennis-, Polospielern oder Ärzten abgese-hen, begegnete mir im Alter von siebzehn Jahren in einem Kino von Rottach-Egern. in dieser Zeit wuchs ich in kurzen oder langen Lederhosen, die bei Bedarf bei Loden-Frey in München während der Sommerferien erneuert wurden, am Niederrhein auf. Meine ersten Levi´s hatte ich zwei Jahre zuvor von meiner Wies-badener Patentante aus Mitleid der Lederhosen wegen erhalten, Röhrenjeans, die ich dann doch nicht so gerne trug, weil sie meine großen Füße betonten. Später habe ich die 501´s vorzugsweise mit Button-Fly und geradem Bein-Schnitt ge-wählt - in der Größe 34/36.

Der erste Mann in weißen Hosen war also der Fotograf Thomas, gespielt von David Hemmings in „Blow-Up“. Er trug dazu ein blauweiß-kleinkariertes Hemd und ein grünes Samtsakko, fuhr ein Rolls Royce Corniche Cabriolet, fotografierte mit einer Nikon oder Hasselblad. An seiner Seite die junge Jane Birkin, zwei Jah-re vor „Je t´aime“, Veruschka Gräfin Lehndorff und, herausragend, Vanessa Redgrave. Noch heute ist der Film nicht zuletzt wegen seiner Musik von den Yardbirds und Herbie Hancock sehenswert. Von ihm stammt im Film der Titel „Maiden Voyage“ - so könnte man sagen, dass in Bezug auf weiße Hosen der Film meine Maiden Voyage war. Allerdings zuerst beruflich rund 10 Jahre später und privat, darum geht es hier, so um das Jahr 2005.

Steve McQueen war ein anderer Weiße-Hosen-Träger. Von ihm soll die Aussage stammen, dass weiße Hosen niemals schmutzig, dennoch getragen aussehen dürf-ten. Womit er meinte, dass vor allem die Sitzfläche durch den Kontakt zum Leder des Fahrersitzes dessen Schattierung annehmen dürfe. Sean Connery hat in sei-nen Filmen viele tolle Autos gefahren, nie weiße Hosen getragen, nur einmal einen himmelblauen kurzbeinigen Playsuit aus Frottee, dessen er sich aber bald zuguns-ten einer Gefährtin entledigte. Der Gerechtigkeit halber für Connery muss er-wähnt werden, dass Rudyard Kipling bzw. der Regisseur John Huston ihn (und Michael Caine) in „Der Mann der König sein wollte“ weiße Hosen tragen liessen, deren Sitzfläche vom Reiten usw.

Es verbietet sich eigentlich, im Zusammenhang mit der Queen von Hosen zu sprechen. Sie sitzt, so heißt es, in ihren Staatskarossen immer auf Stoff, hält Le-derbezüge für zu  bourgeois. Immerhin können sich so unsere Kinder, die aktuell Autos mit Stoffsitzen haben, als Prinzessinnen und Prinzen fühlen, die sie ja auch sind.

Zurück zu 34/36. Als „Blow Up“ Premiere hatte, habe ich gelegentlich gekellnert und dabei festgestellt, dass die Vermessung der Körper, vor allem der weiblichen, händisch vorgenommen wurde, dem „je desto“- Prinzip folgend: je mehr „Kalte Ente“ oder „Kullerpfirsich“, desto kühner die Erkundung. Dabei war vor allem neben Trinkfestigkeit auch Trinkfertigkeit gefragt, denn die Bewältigung des kompletten Pfirsichs im „Kullerpfirsich“ verlangte neben einem grossen Mund-werk auch Geschicklichkeit - eine Olive aus einem Martini zu nehmen war und ist einfacher. Martinis aber waren in der seinerzeitigen englischen Besatzungszone nicht en vogue, dagegen jedoch Pimm´s, wo allerdings die Früchte und Gurken-scheiben auch kleiner sind. Auch wurde noch nicht fraternisiert, so dass das deut-sche Stammland mit seiner Cocktailparty-Reconnaissance-Wunderwaffe „Kalte Ente“ unter sich und die Hände untereinander blieben.

Neben den Steuer- und Personalausweisnummern, die an dieser Stelle schon ein-mal Thema waren, gelten für das aktuelle Thema andere Masse und Perspektiven. Eine davon, 90-60-90, scheint etwas aus dem Focus gekommen zu sein, lässt sie nur noch an längst in Ehren gealterte Schauspielerinnen und Gemälde von Jack Vettriano oder Mel Ramos denken. Mich verwundert dabei immer, dass unter Aspekten der politischen Korrektheit Museumsbesucher*innen zur Betrachtung der nackten Bacchantinnen von Peter Paul Rubens stundenlanges Warten vor den Florentiner Uffizien in Kauf nehmen, was sicher daran liegt, dass Mel Ramos´ Heldinnen gelegentlich und, wenn auch spärlich, bekleidet, rittlings auf einer Co-hiba Platz genommen haben.

90-60-90 war einmal, dafür vermittelt jetzt die Analyse von digitalen Dating-Agenturen, dass 163 cm und 66 kg  die bevorzugten Masse der männlichen Kundschaft sind. Unfairerweise wird über die Längen und Breitengrad-Vorlieben der zukünftigen Partnerinnen nicht berichtet.

Vielleicht ist es da besser, weitere Maßeinheiten zu wissen, z.B. K-Gr 36 oder 70 B, damit sich der Gabentisch zu Geburts-, Hochzeits- oder Weihnachtstag unter anderen Geschenken biegt als ewigen Blumen oder Pralinen. Die Grundrechenar-ten sollten dabei beherrscht werden, den internationale Konfektionsgrößen (K-Gr) unterscheiden sich trotz Europäischer Gemeinschaft, die bekanntermaßen den Krümmungsradius von Salatgurken in eine Verordnung gefasst hat, immer noch.

Es ist jetzt wieder Zeit für die jährliche neue Hose. Ich kaufe nicht gerne ein, schon gar nicht in der Shopping-Variante mit Prosecco und Espresso. Habe ich  inen Bedarf, muss ich den im Schaufenster gedeckt sehen, gehe in das Geschäft und erledigt. Daher kommt München trotz einiger mehrstöckigen MOB-Paläste nicht in Frage. Auch weil im uniformen S-,M-,L- und XL-Zeitalter  das richtige Maß ein wenig verloren gegangen zu sein scheint, die Unisex-Funktionskleidung das Straßenbild schmückt und  der eventuelle  Kinobesucher in Rottach-Egern, falls er sich mal aus dem weißen Kuschelbademantel seines 4*-Hotels schält, ger-ne eine rote Feincordhose trägt.

Ich erledige das Bedürfnis vorzugsweise während der Ferienreise und ebenso vor-zugsweise in Florenz. Un po`di stravaganza può esse sicura.
Dort bevorzuge ich drei kleinere  Negozie di Moda und das, welches Pantaloni bianci und anderes mit Preisschild und bezahlbar, im Fenster hat, erhält den Zu-schlag.

Die Schuhgröße ist mittlerweile von 45 auf 44 geschrumpft, deswegen ist der Röhrenschnit jetzt akzeptabel. Die K-Gr aber ist seit dem Kinobesuch vor so vie-len Jahren immer noch 34/36.

Beste Grüße

Peter (Schroeder)

Peter Schroeder - 07:44 @ Allgemein, Gesellschaft, Panorama | 156 Kommentare

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  10. secure online casinos

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  11. trusted casinos in India

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